“How To Talk Like A Mediator” Part Two — EngagingConflicts.com
This continues the series based on Mary Greenwood’s book –an excerpt from Chapter 9, How To Mediate Like A Pro, published February 2008.From Chapter 9, How To Mediate Like A Pro, published February 2008. Here is the link to Part One.
As her bio states:
Mary Greenwood is an attorney, Mediator and Author of award-winning book, How To Negotiate Like A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes and her most recent book is How To Mediate Like A Pro:42 Rules for Mediating Disputes.She lives in Miami Beach, Florida. Her website is www.marygreenwood.com and her email address is howtomediate@aol.com
How To Talk Like A Mediator
One of the hardest jobs of a mediator is to give a good response to the parties’ concerns. After mediating thousands of cases, I have heard a lot of questions and concerns from the parties. The mediator has to give a response that informs without alienating one or both parties. Here are some responses that a mediator can make. They are not the only response but what I consider a good response.
Comments Made to the Mediator
Righteous Party: Just decide who is right or wrong.
Mediator’s Response: That is not how mediation works. A mediator cannot decide who is right or who is wrong. In mediation, the parties decide what is right for them and how they will resolve the case. I only work as a facilitator and I do not weigh the evidence and determine who should win.
Suspicious Party: You are taking his side.
Mediator’s response: I am by definition a neutral third party. Sometimes I play the devil’s advocate and give the parties a reality check or suggest different alternatives. However, that does not mean I am taking sides.
Uncertain Party: What would you do?
Mediator’s Response: Generally I don’t like to give my opinion because it is really the other party’s opinion that counts, not mine. However, since you asked me, I would give the other side the benefit of the doubt.
Impatient Party: This is taking too long and is a waste of time.
Mediator’s Response: I know you think this is taking too long, but we are following a process. Sometimes this can take time, but it cannot be hurried.
Unsatisfied Party: You don’t know what you’re doing! Where were you trained?
Mediator’s Response: I am doing my best and I am always open to suggestions. I am not sure why you are asking the question, but I am certified by the Florida Supreme Court in County Mediation and have conducted over 6000 mediations. Not all mediations are going to be successful. It often depends on whether both parties are willing to work on finding a solution.
Annoyed Party: You don’t understand.
Mediator’s Response: Maybe I don’t understand. Can you try one more time to explain your position? Maybe I am missing something.
Party wants to quit: I don’t want to continue the mediation.
Mediator’s Response: Mediation is by definition a voluntary process and you can decide to discontinue the mediation at any time. Do you want me to try one more time to see if we can resolve this or do you want me to close the case now?
The series will continue with Part Three, Comments About The Other Party, next week.
